He pulled me up for speeding. Dude, I said. The waves are here, it’s the first time in weeks they’ve coincided with my family schedule. The kids are asleep, the dishes are done, I gotta go.
He said, one moment please. I watched in the side mirror as he strolled back to his car, did whatever it is that police officers do between the first conversation and the second. Came back with a ticket.
Two hundred and fifty dollars? I said.
For your wife, he said. Impeding valuable surf time – the dishes can always wait. And FYI, I’m the only patrol between here and the beach. If I see you driving under 80 I’ll ticket you for nuisance. Now get out of here.
Sir, I nodded, and floored it.
From my book Ministry of Ideas. First published in The Kiwi Diary.