Dishwashing Olympics

It took me a while to realise they were watching. I thought it was the radio until I noticed that the radio wasn’t turned on. But the voices were there, comment...

The deal

“Here’s the deal,” said the Sheep. She seemed bigger today, staring down through shaded glasses. She pushed a slip of paper across the table: one sentence hamme...

Fantasies come true

... Found myself in a brief twitter conversation about David Hasselhoff, triggered by this retro pic, and then learned by sheer coincidence that it's actually h...

Lady Goodness

... I'd forgotten this dirty little teenage fantasy exists. It's something I wrote nearly 10 years ago, first published in Bravado in 2005. It's dated already; ...

Application for a hangover

... The woman behind the bar said, that’s your fourth drink, if you want any more you’ll need to apply in writing. She handed me a clipboard with a piece of pap...

Priority ticket

... He pulled me up for speeding. Dude, I said. The waves are here, it’s the first time in weeks they’ve coincided with my family schedule. The kids are asleep,...

Doomsday

... The end of the world totally sucked. Think of those movies where aliens blow the shit out of everything, it was like that, but worse.

Broken tolerator

... Completely over it, clanking on my crutches. My arms ached but I needed fresh air so, damn it, I was going for a walk. Or a hobble or whatever.

Beer with Jesus

... Halfway through the sermon I kissed my wife on the cheek and told her I was going outside for some fresh air. Truth is I felt like a beer. I sat on the step...

Torture Room

... “Enough mucking around,” said the girl. “I’ve got dinner to cook, washing to do, kids to bath, a vege garden to manage, a house to tidy, a half marathon to ...